Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Frozen pay rise

Sneddling! Do we have the funds to pay the 5% cost of living salary increase we already agreed to? Actually I am not sure we do Vice Chancellor. When we agreed to it we had no idea the cost of living would go up so much. Otherwise we would not have linked it to the retail prices index. But you are the Registrar! If you don't know how much cash we have who does? Well you see, vice chancellor, we had set the cash aside for this year's pay rise. And as a bit of a hedge against inflation put it in a high interest bank account. You don't mean...? Yes Vice Chancellor. We deposited it in the now defunct Gríslingur Banki in Iceland and the money is frozen. But what are we going to do Sneddling! Well Vice Chancellor I have been talking to both the Icelandic Embassy and the Treasury and they have have come up with some fairly creative options. Go on... Well at first they offered us a part share in Magnus Magnuson's book royalties. His last book before he died Fakers, Forgers and Phoneys: Famous Scams and Scamps has been doing quite well recently. But I don't suppose that will pay our bills? Well they also suggested that we pay our our salary increase in frozen cod ....and vouchers valid at their geothermal spar resorts should any of our staff want to visit Iceland.

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Adam Upwrite is Professor of Creative Accounting at the University of Middle England. His Registrar's Diary is about a fictional registrar and an equally fictional English university.